That Unfathomable Love

You are unimaginable! Your love for me, for my man, for our boys rises far above my imagination, yet…

I fail to fully trust You. Oh, how my wretched heart is so much like that of Isreal’s….”Fine I’ll just do it without Your ‘blessing’ then!”, I yell inside.

…That child, that inner rebellious child, would be considered disrespectful, and most certainly unwise to not heed to their father’s advice. A father’s love for their child is excessively full, to the brim. A good father always wants the best for his child, and he will give his wisdom and blessings at the ready according to that full-to-the-brim, unconditional love for his child.

If a child accepts that love, wisdom and discipline for what it truly is, then they will submit to their father’s words and obey. But if that child does not care to regard that love shown towards them, and instead become resentful toward their father; they will not observe the wisdom passed onto them and they will fulfill their own desires even without their loving father’s “blessing”. Largely this ends in grief and pain for both parties, and only because that child did not welcome the wiser’s guidance, and choose to listen to that love being freely poured out.

Why! What can we not trust our all-knowing, all-caring Father? Why do we choose to ignore His council? Of course! We know better, that’s why. Who can truly know our heart’s desires, but ourselves? God has a huge world-view picture, a plan to please Himself. How could He possibly have a care for me individually or our little family?…

God, the all-mighty, all-POWERFUL God was just placed in a box. My small mind just placed the creator of my small mind in a box!! If I were God I would zap my poor, insignificant mind… bam! She gone. …But no. He is far far FAR above that. Instead He pulls me tighter, and shows me a deeper, stronger, more unfathomable love then my soul can comprehend. He pursues me. He literally hunts me down, so I will know this love of His.

That is His, my Father’s, love for me… for you. He wants you. HE. WANTS. YOU



Nominated By My Sister (in-law)



I was recently given a Blogger’s award by my sister in law, which I am humbled and very thankful for. Thanx Kris! ūüôā

However rules came with the award, so I am inclined to follow them:

  1.  Thank the person who nominated you.
  2. Share seven things about yourself.
  3. Nominate other bloggers.
  4. Notify the nominees.
  5. Put the award on your blog. (Which I cannot seem to do lol)

I would like to nominate:




And 7 Things About Myself: 


  1. I was born on American soil to Northern Irish parents. Spent most of my childhood in Panama. Met my husband in US and now live in Canada. (Don’t ask my opinion on growing up in the tropics and now living in the North Pole!!)
  2. I tend to be on the crazy side.
  3. I have one deep relationship with God that I wouldn’t be able to survive without.
  4. I strive every single day to be an excellent wife for my man.
  5. My live revolves around God, my handsome hubby, my very active boys and hoping to be an encouragement to others.
  6. I miss Panamanian food especially fruit every single day!
  7. I LOVE adventures. I try to make every day a grand adventure.

A Beautiful Bride

¬† 53 days into 2014 a little, beautiful two year old girl was let go from this earth. Her body remains & will decay, but her soul was immediately joined with You. The angels sang & danced as You took Rory’s hand & your union as one became reality. You kissed your beautiful bride & you danced together.


¬† ¬†Yesterday we celebrated this beautiful wedding. We celebrated a life short-lived here on earth, but will live for eternity… for EVER more with You. We wore black to grieve and say “see you later”, but she wore a gorgeous sparkling wedding dress.

   She will never feel pain again. She will never shed another tear. She will never be sick again. 

¬† ¬†She touched many hearts while here on “earth”. She brought laughter, smiles and tears. She brought hope, memories, joy & deep love. As she left “earth” & went home… to be with her royal groom, she has brought a family together. She has brought renewed hope of the revival of a broken union.


    She was innocent, an angel at play. But You were at work in her from the moment she was conceived. You were at work in her life & in what her death would bring. Unsaved family members hearing a sound message of You and Your hope for eternal life, seeing a profound lived-out testimony to You in Sean & Becky.

  The strength You have given them simply makes me speechless, but brings a huge smile to my heart. They ache with the deepest pain of a broken heart, the loss of an irreplaceable piece of them, but they hold fast to You. They trust your plans. And are happy for the union of their little girl to her maker, her savior, & her beloved. Just beautiful!

  So, as we let a precious baby girl rest, we thank You for time had & memories to keep. With unspeakable love poured out with testimony strong, we celebrate the life shared & the union of You to Your bride.

     In Your holy name, Amen!

A Day Without Rain on a Rainy Day

This past week MANY things have been flooding my mind ( guess that’s part of the blessings of being a woman ūüôā )

First off is my heart attitude as a Daughter of God. I even have a blog about being His precious Daughter and I still don’t get it right! Guess that’s part of the other side of being His daughter, I am merely human not a saint. My human sinful nature still shows its ugly face even if I hate it, because I am not God. I need Him in my heart and soul and mind. I need Him to give me strength to rise each morning. I need Him to stay far from the Devil and his pleasures. I need Him to keep me on the path of righteousness as I live in a world filled with sin and gloom. And I need Him to be the wife and mother He desires me to be.

I can do NONE of this in my own strength for I AM WEAK, and distracted, and foolish. Only in Him can I fill the desires of His heart for my life.

This past week during a Bible study I have with some young ladies from our church, we had to read Revelation 4 & then Revelation 19:11-16. Have you ever read those verses?! I think I have before, but probably not with the same eyes I had read them with years ago. THAT is the God who created us! THAT is the God who LOVES us!! THAT is the God who came to this lowly sin-filled world to DIE for us!! THAT is the God who conquered sin and death, and rose again so we can life with Him…eternally!! THAT is one amazing God!

He is so uncomprehendingly amazing, awesome, powerful and most of all humble. He is so amazing that we cannot even BEGIN to imagine with our genius minds that have made some much in this world! God is so SO much more then we could even start to fathom up. That is just, wow, unbelievable. Heaven is a place that even John, who saw heaven, couldn’t even describe. WOW!!

Yes, so I was awed this week with who this one I love and serve and desire to know more really is.`

Secondly this week… I have been thinking about who I am as a mother and wife. Life gets out of hand (or better said, I got out of sink with God’s thinking) and we just continue more and more sinking deeper into our rut of life, and soon finding ourselves not even caring how God wants us to think or act. This is also known as sin. Therefore, I feel into the selfish pit of sin, wondering how my life seemed to get so terrible all of a sudden. And here’s the answer… I decided to run my life myself ūüôā Not a good idea! As I said before I NEED God to be able to function the way I was created to function, get it? He created us SO WE WOULD HAVE TO DEPEND ON HIM. Other wise we would be self sufficient, therefore in No Need of Him. But God did create us to need Him and to depend on Him, therefore when we try to do things in our own strength we fail. And well, I failed this week.

prayer: a powerful thing

Thirdly this week… A dear little man has been on many or our minds and hearts. Our sweet 10 month old nephew will be having a very serious, life threatening surgery to change the way his little heart runs as it is backwards at the moment. It’s a trying time for the family, but it is also a time to shine, to show our trust in our Lord. He loves Leo more then any of us could, even more then his own parents could! Like Mark, Leo’s daddy, said… ” No matter the out come, the Lord is in control!” This is the God we can trust and lean on. THIS is the God we serve!! He is the one in charge of life, and the best thing about it is we don’t even have to worry, because He LOVES us so much unconditionally, we CAN trust Him completely.

Prayer is a powerful way to commune with our Lord. Be sure to keep Leo’s little body, the doctor’s, and Leo’s parents and family in your communes with God today, especially tomorrow and this week as Leo and his special heart recover from surgery. God loves to hear about His children and He loves to hear your voice talking to Him.

Do You Really Care, Lord?

  Lord, after so many small disappointments, & one major disappointment, I loose trust; & as time clamps down, I start to loose hope. Instead of coming to Your Throne to receive Your Peace each morning, I trailed away (from Your Presence) pressed for time.

¬† You know me more then any other being on this earth. You care about me more then I could ever even possibly imagine, and I doubted You! “Do You REALLY care about me? Why me? There are so many people in this world. What would make You care so much about me?” ¬†So I come to the conclusion that my view of You is still extremely flawed.

¬† I believe as I pursue things in my own life that You will, & do, close and open doors as You see fit according to Your Will for my life. I believe it whole¬†heartedly¬† especially as I have seen proof of it in the seven years of being “out from under my parent’s wings”.

¬† ¬†What my mind can’t seem to grasp, however, is how much You love me; how much You actually care about me. I mean, look how many people there are in this world and you have time to preoccupy Yourself with me, my family? How is it even possible to care so deeply & individually about SO many people!? You even care about the ones who proclaim disbelief in You & Your Name!! Unbelievable!

¬† ¬†You sent Your Holy & Perfect Son to a horrible, humbling death. You even turned Your back on the One You love so dearly for the sack of being with me (and anyone else who believes) eternally…. ETERNALLY!! You want to be with me for the rest of time!

¬† ¬†You daily hunt me down, so You can be with me. Our relationship is supposed to be one of that intense relationship in Songs of Solomon. You are coming back for me, & in the mean time You want me to talk with You about all that I feel continually!! And I feel in my heart a lot of days that You don’t actually care about me?!¬†


   So what is it that actually makes me feel this way. I am assuming I am not the only one. Maybe I am. But why do we feel like this?

¬† Well, for one we are human. There are many things we do not understand or comprehend. One of them being God’s unconditional love. Another being God’s omnipotence (unlimited power). And also God’s ever presence. We are human, and we do not have any of those things within us, so it is hard to grasp the actuality of it.

  For two, we are full of sin. Satan is a powerful being who likes to work in your mind, and tell you lies of what is and is not. He likes to make you doubt God; as it gives him more power to control you, and make you think stupid lies, even though you know the truth, and you have been told the truth many times.

¬† ¬† But I have also found that, the more I do or do not go to God with each trouble, each tear, each smile, each heartache, each pain, each joy, each blessing, etc… that I leave room for Satan to creep in and try to control my mind. The less time I spend with the Lord, the more my thoughts start to pile, and soon I can no longer think clearly or reasonably about who the Lord truly is to me, and what I am to Him.

¬† God wants me every second of the day! And guess what, He’s not to busy to also be with YOU every second of the day! THAT is how powerful and caring my God is!

¬†Philippians 4:6&7- NKJV ¬†“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

¬† In EVERYTHING, so always,… talk to God about what is on your mind, with thanksgiving of what He has already done and will do in the future to answer you. And the peace of God, which you gather when you talk to him,…will keep you from Satan’s lies in your mind and your heart. (At least that’s what I get out of these verses.)

  Talk to God with a thankful heart regardless of the situation you are in. Obtain peace from God through talking with Him. And He will guard your mind & heart!! Beautiful!

Sorting thoughts

As I sit here and try to keep my mind focused on all the thoughts that are running through my mind, I am over whelmed with all that I have learned this week.


Some days I wish I had never heard of God until now. This may sound shocking to those who know me, but I have good reason for this wish.

Growing up I was always faithfully taught by my parent’s, dorm parent’s, and teachers of God’s love, His care, His faithfulness, etc… I grew up knowing God, and having Him as my own in my heart. I could have chosen to ignore it all, and go my own way when I left home, but I did not. God is very real and very dear to me even now, six years later.

So why would I wish to not have grown up with every minute of the day being taught about God. The reason I feel this way, is that I would want to know how I felt about God and how real He would be to me if someone came up to me an unsaved person, doing my own thing in the world, never knowing about God’s faithfulness & care. I want to know how I would hear God’s Word, how I would accept His promises, how I would appreciate His death & resurrection. Would I work harder to love Him, & follow His Will?

Take God’s beauty shown on this earth for example. Take all the little moments, which turn into memories that we hold close to us. One of my special memories that I thank the Lord for is Moon-lit walks along the beach in Panama. We often got to have such special times when I was growing up. Just this past month my husband and I got to go visit my parent’s in Panama & help them out with moving house. One evening we got to have a moon-lit walk along the beach, this time hand in hand with the man God has so richly blessed me with. This is something I will never forget, or laying on the beach and staring at the star-FILLED sky, which we also got to do.


It is during such times it more then easy to thank the Lord for who He is, how wonderful and majestic He is, how caring He is. He could have put man & woman on this earth, dull, grey, dry, and everything horrible. But when man sinned, he was cut off from God, and things then became rough for man. There are now biting snakes, prickly thorns, poison, fear, etc… BUT God also left His beauty here for us to enjoy.

Just this morning I woke up to unspeakable beauty with how the snow landed on all the trees. As much as I hate winter and cold, snow is just beautiful. And to think I have been washed white as snow, free from my sins! More amazement as I think on WHY? Why does God want to love me, save me, be with me for the rest of eternity? ONLY because I have been washed white as this beautiful, virgin snow through His Son.

 It is during such times it more then easy to thank the Lord for who He is, how wonderful and majestic He is, how caring He is.

¬†So what does God’s beauty & my sin have to do with my wishes to know how I would think of God if I had not grown up hearing about Him every day?

The point comes from a book I asked for Christmas, that I am reading through at the moment written by Martha Peace. It’s called “The Excellent Wife”. I just finished a chapter on the wife & sin. I have been blessed from God to have such a strong desire to love my husband & to be his excellent wife. This is God’s will for me as a wife, & I love how much help this book has been, just to sort through thoughts of HOW TO BECOME an excellent wife.

Anyhow, I was reading through the chapter on sin, and Martha put in a sentence that has really made me think hard about stuff since. She wrote talking about putting off the old self, and putting on the new self in Christ “How godly you become, depends on how hard you work at it”. We have to¬†continuously be thinking good thoughts of our husbands, as wives. Whether they are¬†“perfect” husbands or not, we wives MUST constantly be thinking right, godly thoughts of our husbands ESPECIALLY in times of strife.

The thing that really hit me was… the putting on of the new self. I have no idea why but for some reason growing up, I always had this thought that once we got saved the “NEW” self just was there, because we not had the holy spirit in us. The part I missed was yes, we are filled with the Holy Spirit, BUT the HS is for equipping us to put the new self on, to grow in God’s image & His glory. I am to work hard to put the new self on, and only through the help of the HS is it made possible for me to do so!!

“How godly you become, depends on how hard you work at it.”

The Light in this "Dark" World

  As I washed my dishes this afternoon, I was again struck with God’s love and care for me. I can see it, only if I desire to see it and look for it.

  Life can be tough and throw rough seas at you, you feel like you are going no where and the tempests are pulling you under. You look up to see if God is close by, to show you the way and give you some light, some hope, but all you see are dark thick clouds threatening to pour more horror down upon you and drown you once and for all. You feel helpless, hopeless and very alone.
 ‘Where are You, Lord? I thought You said You would be here for me, and when I am drowning I see Your Glorious Face no where in sight! I knew You didn’t really care about me and I feel so very distant from You, Lord. Where are You, especially when I need You most? I can not do this alone.’
  Those could maybe be the very words uttered in a helpless situation when everything is caving in around you or me. But take a good look at those words…  What do you see?
I see selfishness, full of self. No praise to the Lord even in the situation. Like Paul says in the New Testament, He has learned to be content in every situation. And Paul was in MANY situations, some we will never ever experience.

   So back to my dishes… ūüôā I have been going through some life issues with it being winter, and dreary, and my jaw being so painful the last month and a half and my fibro not helping, that it has all been getting to me. Some days I look to the Lord for help, and other days I get swallowed up by the tempests, and I look up and see only thick dark clouds look back at me. When will this end!! Right now it seems like never. Is there hope sure there is, maybe some day.
  And back to the dishes again, lol. So all that has been over coming me and over whelming me the last month and a half. Today after we got home from Owen Sound, Elliot went to Nia’s house, Levi went to bed, and Jonnie went to work, all leaving me to conquer these dishes. I really wanted to sit down and just have some time with the Lord, but instead I did the dishes. But as I was doing the dishes, I got thinking as I always do, which turned into pray, which it often does, if I’m not telling the boys non-stop to quit getting into things. But today I looked out the window and saw the view that has become so common to me, one that my sister-in-law just commented on the other day, and what did I see this time? 
   I saw grey clouds, quite normal these days and past few weeks. Thick grey clouds continued to haunt me and make me feel down. I asked the Lord to please clear the skies, to lift my spirits a little and make the sun shine. And not ten minutes later?! The sun came out, shining in full glory and splendor. Wow, amazing and beautiful. I couldn’t have been more thankful. 
   Then I got thinking more about all the clouds, as I saw the sun shine wasn’t going to last long with the clouds moving in. I started to study the clouds more closely, all the while thinking why do I only feel I “see” God when the sun is shining? Well, for one it is because He is Light. But when I got looking at the dark clouds more, I searched hard, but little spots of blue and it was not because the clouds were clearing. It was because I was searching for the light or blue spots in the clouds that the little ones starting showing themselves. Why? Because I was looking for them I found them. When I was just looking at the huge grey cloud, what did I see? A huge grey cloud.

  Moral of the story, when times are so tough and you think you can’t make, and it seems the Lord has decided not to help out this time, don’t look at the problem or the big grey clouds and the furious rushing waves. Look for the Lord in the midst. Though He may seem small you can still be assured that He is there, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel, when you look at the light not the tunnel.
  So be encouraged and look for Him!

Proverbs 3:5&6

These verses,
Proverbs 3:5&6 “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He WILL direct your paths.”,
 has been really hitting me this year as we have been in the “waiting” period to know what the Lord has for us in the near future.

  Just yesterday I took a mug out of our cupboard for some peppermint hot chocolate and I had written those verses on it a couple months back, but hadn’t used it as I have two favorite mugs that take priority. I read the verses and thought to myself, “Why is it so hard to trust the Lord? Why?! Why can’t I establish it in my mind that the Lord loves me more then anything I could ever imagine, and He cares for me more then anything I could wish, and He wants what is best for me?” I think, “Come on, I have to do SOMETHING to help the Lord out. We are moving, He’s not just going to slap a red circled town on a map out on our front porch to see tomorrow morning of where we should move to, so I have to help Him by finding places, thinking of jobs, praying, looking some more.”
   That is my thoughts when it has come to this whole year. Prayer has been a huge thing this year and I have come to really love talking with the Lord and relying on Him for things to come. He has promised us a future and a hope and I do believe He means whole heartedly to give us one. So why cannot I not trust Him with the small details which seem to be so important to me?!
  TRUST in the Lord, is how that verse starts out. Trust is the very first word, in my Bible at least. ūüôā I realize that I am human, but I just can’t understand why it is SO hard for me, when I have seen the Lord work so many times over my 24 years of life. We were raised living by faith and trusting the Lord to provide, and He always did in many different ways. So why now that I have my own life and family to care for do I find it so hard to give every detail to Him and trust that He will take care of everything with all knowledge of knowing what is best for me, for Jonnie and me, and for our family?

  I want to be able to pray to our Lord and Savior, with a heart that can fully trust Him to answer those prayers the way that He sees best for whatever or whoever I am praying for.
  I want to jump into His arms, knowing that He will catch me, hold me and love me more then words will ever be able to describe.
   I want to TRUST my heavenly Father.
       “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart!!…”